What Qualifies Me?

Systems and Networks

Systems and networks are what I do.  With 12 years in telecommunications, interfacing human systems with computer systems, I have extensive experience in making these systems work together. 

Or not.

I’ve engaged in the prospecting of, pitching for, conceiving of, design of, production of, implementation of, and integration of, countless networks and network/system components over the years.  I’ve troubleshooted what went wrong, I’ve supported existing networks, I’ve counseled individual users when things didn’t work right.

And at some point, I was at such a point of success, fulfillment and accomplishment in my career, my education, my personal life, my romantic and family life, that I turned my attention to learning about energy and really focusing on my spirituality.

What resulted was nothing short of a total transformation.  As a survivor of abuse, a young mother, a single parent for many years, an uneducated professional, a lover of counter-culture and fringe communities, I’ve reinvented myself countless times.  But this last has been a major paradigm shift.  A true descent into the underworld and return to the land of the living with a boon, a mission, allies, adversaries, strategies, tools, and utter faith in the Great Vision and my role within it. 

I’ve been told that among my talents is some kind of gift for synthesizing varying types of information across many platforms, and articulating it to laypeople as something coherent.  At one time, I was going to parlay this into a career in technical writing. 

Some time ago, Tantra bubbled up as My Path.  I’d studied techniques here and there, and found them to be juicy and meaningful, but I realized that there was Really Big Woo in it for me.  It has been written that Tantra means “interweaving” or “network”.  I like to think of it as That Which Draws Together. 

Within the framework of my life’s work in business, Tantra as a natural extension of my path makes a lot of sense. 

I have come to understand the driving motivations behind why humans choose to build a system.  What kinds of systems are effective, which are not.  Which are actually work-arounds to accommodate poor human behavior or choices, undesirable and irreconcilable circumstances.  What kinds of motivations are virtuous, which are askew.  I’ve come to know, intuitively, what drives lie in the minds and hearts of men.  I’ve a deep desire to see the good ones gain the attention they deserve.  But what’s always spoken to my spirit has been making an impact.

I’ve written about my “natural enthusiasm”. What I’ve come to understand was an infusion of Spirit at a young age, that, despite my many attempts, I’ve not been able to quench, misdirect, silence, subsume, for too long.

Long before I stumbled upon my career, I knew there was power in my sexuality.  Hell, live as adolescent girl-prey for a year or two, and you pick things up.  It took me some more years to learn it wasn’t just a common thing, this quality to my sexuality.  Whatever it was, men tended to become addicted, to act like crazed people, to regain access to it.  While I knew there was something I “took” from this quality, it would take another decade or two to realize.  By my early 20’s, I’d come to realize that most people had all kinds of shame and weirdness built up around their genitals.  I wasn’t sure why, I didn’t know how to fix it, but the one gift my heart wanted to give to every person on the planet was reconciliation with their erotic urges.  I wanted to look every person in the eyes and tell them, “it’s okay. that sick and wrong fetish that you’ve hidden from everyone that loved you – there are people out there that fetishize the exact same thing!  Now go!  Go, and find good quality love. And sex.”  You know.  Like Dan Savage if he were a hippie goth in Ann Arbor in the 90’s.  Or something. I was lucky to have come from a very sex-positive family.  That doesn’t mean that I didn’t get plenty of icky messages about my body and my worth, and perfection being the only thing that counted, but sexuality was not inherently bad in my family of origin.  It’s always felt very alien to me, the way our culture treats sexuality as something so revolting and shameful.  I’ve long felt anachronistically born out of sync with pop culture; that I would have fit right into the Freelove movement. 

So this Tantra thing is totally it.  I am very interested in doing sexual healing work with people.  Transfolk and LGBTQIA people specifically.  I want to re-frame gender and bodies as sacred expressions of divine energy.  I want to re-integrate sexuality as part of a holistic human experience.  I want to reclaim, remember, reemerge, resume Goddess mentality, Goddess energy, Goddess principles, a Goddess-forward way of living. I have the language, the insight, the resources, the training, the framework, the support, to do the Work.  I’m Qualified.